THE SPANKING SONG
SUE BRADFORD’S VERSION

From the musical comedy ‘ Robin Hood Strikes Back                                                 
…..but many different lyrics in the play – except for the Spanking bit.

Words and Music -     Bob Beresford  
                                                             bob@bobberesford.com

Verse 1

There’s a woman who rose from obscurity
To take a great Socialist stand
Inspired by Communist theory 
She’s making the laws of the land
Saying 16 year olds should be voting
And receiving a full adult pay
But don’t you be laughing, the tyranny’s starting
‘Cause now it is too late to say

Chorus

That you’ve been    spank –spank – spanking

- It’s a criminal use of your time !
You used to believe it’s a smack on the bum
But it’s really a violent crime

And if your child’s being naughty
You’re permitted to have your own say

But don’t stop him doing whatever he wants to

Or else they will lock you away

Verse 2

Well she started a new kind of un-i-on
For parents who live on the dole
And now that she’s calling the tune again
She’s digging us all a big hole
Because if your neighbour reports you
For smacking a screaming child
The cops will arrive and arrest you at once
For apparently being too wild


Chorus

‘Cause you’ve been    spank – spank – spanking

And now it’s illegal to do
You think it’s the way when a child won’t obey
But the government knows more than you

And if you slap them on the bottom 
Or the wrist, or you simply restrain

You’ve made a new start on your Criminal Record 

And you’ll be the one who’s in pain

Verse 3

(Yes) the woman to thank for your misery
Is glorious Commandant Sue
You wish you could try out your smacking on her
But you’ll damage your hand if you do
‘Cause her bottom is larger than normal
And her plans for the country are mad
So follow her lead and its “ Hail to the State ”
But being a parent is bad




Chorus

If you’ve been   spank - spank - spanking

- There might be a knock on the door
And then it gets worse ‘cause the cops will arrest you 
For violently breaking the law


And as you think of your coming conviction
Awake in your own little room

You’ll know who to thank and you’ll know who to spank

And you’ll hope they’re releasing you soon


Verse 4

After six years on social security
She somehow got in as a Green
And she won’t need your vote ‘cause she got her support
From Helen’s big ‘Socialist Team’
Where women were running the country
With men in subordinate roles
Career academics did most of the thinking
And we can all do as we’re told (…we can just do as we’re told) 

Chorus

But if we’re    spank – spank – spanking

It’s now the new cardinal sin
There’s more prostitution and social experiment
- Even gay marriage is ‘‘in’’

But when you pay for your bondage
With a cheque to your neighbourhood whore

You’d better be ready ‘cause now it’s illegal

The spanking is bound to cost more


Verse 5

(Oh ) The question when issuing punishment
Is whether or not it’s okay
And the problem for you is to know what to do
So the state cannot lock you away
So Sue Bradford must show to the parl-i-a-ment
What force is allowed by the law
Bending over a chair with her bum in the air
- They’ll be lining right up to the door

Chorus

And they’ll be   spank – spank – spanking

As hard as they possibly can
And Sue must decide if  it’s okay or not
Or whether it’s got out of hand

But there’s no need to worry
Her bottom is ample and true

So if you’re a parent who’s spanking a child

She’ll still come off better than you.

Yes if you’re a spanker Sue Bradford’s the winner 

And she’ll come off better than you  !
 







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